unexpected

i think that nights which unexpectedly turn out awesome are great. i had intended to go for an hour, have one drink and then make it an early night from a friend's bday party. it turned to be a very chill but fun night, with some cool people from the other masters programs, and karaoke. was just a really good energy to the people in attendance.

refreshing. but now bed. its nearly 4AM and while not drunk at all, i know i'll be exhausted tomorrow.

feel the burn

Today was awesome for two reasons:

1) Worked out hard at the gym

Hence feeling the burn. I did. It didn't feel good but I know it's for the best. I spent two hours relentlessly working myself almost to the point of vomitting, but left feeling much healthier/better. I am kind of obsessed with working out as of a few days ago and hope I keep it consistent, for once.

2) A random, fun night

Me and a friend organized a night watching the IIHF Hockey Championship in our lecture room, via his online subscription, on the projector where we spent many a lecture. Canada sadly lost, but then me and some friends grabbed a few pints at the bar and decided we weren't up for a club, so we headed back to the lecture room where we danced the night away to music videos on a big screen (via YouTube) and danced on desks and chairs. It was hilarious, random and unexpected and entirely refreshing. There was only 5 of us and all of us were good people. Moslty, I enjoyed the absence of 1 person, who I Know ppl reading this will know what I mean.

Anyways, time for bed. I am tipsy and need my rest!!! Peace and love, folks!

Feeling weird

Lately, I've been feeling kind of strange. I think "unsettled" would be a better word. It's been bordering on emo at points, for the past week. And finally I think I've figured out why.

You see, a lot of it has to do with going from exam-mode to non-exam mode, temporarily. For me, it's tough to go from doing so much and working my ass off to just "relaxing." I actually get really uncomfortable relaxing. Sitting in front of the TV on the couch makes me feel VERY guilty and as if I'm wasting my life. So then I feel like I should do something, but of course sometimes rest is good. And then I get mad at myself for forcing myself to go out when I'm not really into it. Essentially what this paragraph states is that I'm sad I can't just chill the eff out. Apparently I've lost that; I feel happier when I have a to-do list and am accomplishing things. Sometimes I wish this wasn't true though.

Secondly, with classes over and exams (almost!!!) done, it's forced me to confront what's next on the horizon. It means that in 4 short months, this bubble of academia will be popped. In the meantime, it means I need to write my dissertation (which I am dreading), squeeze in travel and fun, and say some tough goodbyes.

More importantly, though, it means I need to plan my life out. And I'm not just talking about finding a job --- that should be challenge enough in this peachy economy. I'm more concerned about where to end up and what to do. Let's tackle each separtately:

a) Where to Live

This is a major concern for me. See, my dual citizenship is both a blessing and a curse. It means I can stay here and work, no problems, no visas, nadda. While this is incredibly exciting, it's also terrifying. See my current plan is to apply for jobs both in London (England) and Toronto, as well as a few random European cities for shits, and see what pops up. As my dad oversimplified to me: "Go where the best job comes." But is it that easy? Your environment plays a big role in your life. London seems amazing and vast but also crowded and hectic. I wonder if Toronto is much better, though - just smaller and less rain but more snow.

Also, what if I get, by luck, two equally good jobs in the UK and Canada? Which do I take? Deciding which CONTINENT to live on isn't simple. I thought I would be in heaven here when I came over, but it's been a major adjustment. Much better now, of course, but am I currently viewing London with rose-coloured glasses? I fear I may move there and be miserable.

Then, the same applies for TO....what if I move back and wish I was still here. Kinda too late. London appeals because I'd make some pounds and have the chance to travel Europe since they get more vacay days here. Toronto appeals because its closer to home, people are more polite, and it's cheaper. Pros and cons, friends.

b) Ok, so moving onto WHAT to Do.

Good question. I know I want to either do "management consultancy" or something in "marketing," which is essentially my way of saying I don't want to be an accountant or banker. Still, that's vague and I have experience in neither.


All of this existential questioning has really overwhelemed me. Meanwhile, my boredom/current freedom has underwhelmed me. Both simultaneously.

Kids, this is one fork in the road I am approaching and have no clue what to do. And that terrifies me to death. Or more aptly, to turn to my laptop, watch some movies, sleep lots, and escape from that big scary decision. S.O.S.

On a plus side, one of my friends said I have amazing taste in music today. That perked me up a bit - because I think I do.

Weekend update

The past weekend was pretty monumental and deserves its own blog to recap things.

FRIDAY

Friday was my second last exam (until May 21st, when we write stats), so essentially done for a while now. It also marked my 5 year cancerversary, which I decided I couldn't let slip by. So I sent out a big message to everyone saying "I'm having a party to celebrate almost being done exams, and also because yadda yadda yadda."

Anyways, the reaction and turnout was mind blowing. People were surprisingly chill (I was worried it would be awkward but I think I presented it confidently and boldly, instead of a manner requesting pity or something) and really discussive and positive. Tons of folks came and our flat was full up, with the kitchen and living room packed, and people spilling over into the hall and foyer. Everything was just awesome. The playlist (mastered by yours truly) was great. We had a cake as well. My friends brought me some daffodils (the cancer flower) and a bottle of champagne. Around 11, everyone gathered in the kitchen, and my flatmate turned off the music and asked for a speech. So I gave one, getting incredibly nervous with all eyes on me. This meant it was a horribly awkward speech. Then, my North American friend brought over some funnels and we had a competition amongst people, many of whom had only seen funnels in American movies but never in real life. That was a good laugh. Then we headed out to the club and danced the night away. It was great.

SATURDAY

Mostly sleeping, chilling, cleaning the house. Went out that night but only for a bit. Ended up at a McDonald's at the end of the night, full of drunken Scots. Interesting scenario to say the least. I also spent about £6 on food there, but don't really feel guilty since I hardly go to McDonald's here.

SUNDAY

Decided to take advantage of the nice weather, so I called up my buddy and we decided to climb Calton Hill. Not really a big hill compared to others in the city, but had some great views. Since he has a subscription to stream the IIHF Hockey games on his computer, we decided to go watch it later that night (he's Czech and they were playing Belarus). That was a few hours away, so we headed to a pub in the meantime. Then grabbed some beer and oven pizzas and headed to his house to watch the game. It was a great day of physical activity, chilling and hockey.


All in all, a great weekend and a nice break after the exam week hell.

in 5 years time...

Today marks five years.

Five years since complete and utter devastation, shock and pain. Of having my world turned completely upside down and challenging me in ways I never expected.

It's a completely bittersweet anniversary, but for the most part, I couldn't be happier. Not that it happened, but that I'm here five years on to celebrate this occasion. A lot of people in my situation aren't so lucky and I am completely aware of that. I'm one of the lucky ones, in a way. I owe it all to some very clever professionals, as well as the (continuing) support of my family, friends and loved ones.

This is something that is still hard for to me to process, 5 years on. The implications are so broad and it's left a lot of scars (literal, but mostly figurative) that are still tough to confront to this day. Still, being the eternal optimist I am, I've tried to acknowledge the silver linings.

- Am I stronger? Definitely. It made me fight for my existence and in doing so, helped me realize how much I am capable of.
- Has it caused me to completely re-evaluate myself? Undeniably so, to a positive extent I think.
- Has it made me seize the day, live in the present, and try to enjoy each moment as much as I can? Of course -- and while life goes on and this is sometimes muddied up with day-to-day occurrences, I still try to remind myself to laugh as much as I can, be kind to others and surround myself with great people and amazing experiences.

Because life seriously is too short. And on that note, a slightly corny but much-deserved shout out to my Mom, who was a saviour to me when this all happened. Despite being shattered to pieces and having every right in the world to fall apart, she managed to possess an inner-strength I hope I can one day achieve. And because of this, she helped me on my road to recovery. She was there, day and night, assisting me in any way possible - and then some. She did the essentials, but then she also did things for my mental sanity - like ensuring there were always guests visiting, or that there was a night out with my friends when I was able to leave the house. Without her, the entire process would have been so much more difficult -- in fact, I am not even sure how I would have coped.

On that note, I'm going to get some shut eye, but can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning (its 1AM now) and hopefully celebrate. The day will be a lot of studying, sadly, but perhaps an evening toast with some of my closest. To those back in Canada who have a much firmer grasp on this situation - I miss you all and wish I could be with you today to celebrate.

Cheers folks :)

class dimissed!

yesterday marked me handing in two 100% papers for two of my courses, which means those are officially off my mind. i think one of the essays was really good, while the other one - not so awesome. but we'll see.

anyways, after printing them off in the computer lab me and a buddy from Canada (who i never really have hung out with) were like "let's get a drink to celebrate." So we headed to Tesco (grocery store) to pick up some provisions. Upon walking in, we were greeted with a wall of Stella Artois 24's on sale for £10. It really wasn't even an option, so we each put in a fiver and headed to my friends res to chill some in the freezer while eating nachos.

then we headed to a park because it was so warm/sunny out. it was fun to drink outside, since its legal here (although at first i totally felt like a homeless bum).

our discussion was actually pretty interesting and i realized this friend is pretty damn intelligent. he was big into politics in his undergrad and still is, and is from BC so he's about as laid back as they come. i, whom possess negative knowledge of politics, learned quite a bit.

our convo then got onto comparing the UK/Canada, and discussing UK-isms and what not. we got onto the subject of class (as in social class) and how it is still really like a major feature that people here use to define themselves and judge others by. we discussed how here, people really focus a lot on others class and try so hard to express this, usually by clothes and stuff. we noted that while back home clothing can do that, more so it is subtle lifestyle things (like a cottage in the Muskokas or something). in fact, we said that sometimes people back home who dress super-casual are the richest. and those who rake up a wardrobe on their VISA are the poorest. and my friends come from a huge variety of social classes - from regular all the way up to the uber-rich. but to me, i couldn't care less how much is your bank account - if you're a good person, you're a good person. you can be rich and be a dick, but you can also be not-well-off and be a dick as well. here though, i think social class is sadly a selection method many people use for their friends. ALSO, we really miss Canadian humor and people "getting us." We both agreed on how we're funny back home (i'm a hit!) but here it's often like....is this thing on? i've talked to a handful of CDNs who say the same, which made me feel like its not just my sense of humor that's awkward.

anyways, it was again really refreshing to talk to another CDN and have some of my views of life here validated - makes me feel like i'm not just someone who's radically turned all patriotic for my homeland. In fact, my buddy even agreed that he appreciates Canada so much more now and can't wait to go back -- the sense of humor, the politeness, the diversity; they are all something so engrained in most of us that we don't see it as special. But it is!

after that, we met a bunch of friends for Indian food. i was slightly tipsy but all the na'an and rice stopped that which was good.

All in all, a good day! Now though, its time to get serious about studying. My first exam is Monday and i think it's gonna be a killer. our prof is evil and its also worth double the credits of other courses, so it weighs on my average heavily. Wish me luck!

not creative enough for a fun title right now

it's come to my attention that some people - nay, make that a lot of people - have much lower morals and values than myself. it must be noted that i'm no Pope Benedict or anything, so i'm not trying to proffer up myself as holier than anyone.

i think what it comes down to is being raised well by parents who, busy as they were, made sure i learnt some of life's basic lessons. i also have to admit that all those religion classes might have infused something into my brain, most likely through osmosis. regardless of how it's happened, i'm glad it did because i'm realizing through experience that too many people lack common decency for their fellow humankind.

it's a shame but i guess this is life.

two weeks until five years

not much to say other than i am very happy about that. and plan to celebrate at the end of that week, once my first two exams are over. that means i've gotta tell a few more people first.

an unconventional Easter

Well this year was an Easter unlike any other, although not really in a cool way. I spent most of writing and nearly finishing one of my two 100% papers. it is a horrible mess at the moment but hopefully some editing later this week will polish it up well.

then, i met up with some of my friends for dinner at a muslim place...had some good food and then we headed to the movies to see "Fast & Furious." It was what you'd expect, not great but some cool action scenes and plenty of explosions and fast cars. Now I am home and enjoying the only slightly-Eastery thing of the day, which is a Creme Egg which was on sale for 33 pence. I'm also YouTube'ing some JC Superstar - thank you Mr. Kilistoph.

So yeah...Easter '09 = chicken schawarma, Vince Diesel's annoying gravelly voice, and a Cream Egg. Nonetheless, the walk home was, for no particular reason, amazing. The air had that spring quality where it's cool yet invigorating and lifts you right up. The smell of dew and softly lit pathways through the park were a good way to end the day and have left me ending my day on a high note.

The plan now is to do some work and stay up late, then sleep in majorly tomorrow. The reason being is because my housemates start coming back tomorrow, so no more will I have the flat to myself and be able to sleep in as late as I want. Sigh...

taxi cab confessions

Just arrived back yesterday from a mini vacation to Dublin, which was awesome to say the very least. I'll post more about that later, but for now, a little bit of insight I gained from none other than a couple of cab drivers.

The first piece was given by our Glaswegian cabbie, who drove us to from the airport. As a native to Glasgow, he naturally favoured it over Edinburgh [for those non-UKers, there is a big rivalry between the two cities]. I told him how friendly I found the people in Dublin compared to Edinburgh. He replied, "Well there's a famous saying about Glaswegians and Edinburghers, do you know it?". I didn't, so he told me, it being, "People in Glasgow have more fun at a funeral than people in Edinburgh do at a wedding."

Hilarious, and yet very true. From the few times I have briefly spent in Glasgow, I've noticed a friendly, down-to-earth vibe amongst the locals. Edinburgh folk are known for being more reserved, aloof, uptight and consider themselves to be more "posh." For those of you who know me well, I don't really jibe with "reserved and uptight." I prefer friendly, laid-back, and conversive. I know this is all a bit repetitive, but I just liked the fact that the cabbie agreed, and I Googled that quote to make sure he just wasn't making it up and he wasn't.

Another quote came from a cab driver who drove me to a restaurant in London when I got lost and confused while I was there last autumn. Upon hearing my accent, he asked a bit about where I'm from and what I was doing in the UK. After giving him a quick run-down, he told me about how he had traveled while he was younger and spent about 2 years between Australia and parts of Southeast Asia, working and doing whatever. It was obvious from his sudden enthusiasm that he really held onto and cherished that time in his life. In so many words, he told me to cherish the experience I have right now and make the most of it....whether that meant saying yes to going clubbing when I felt a bit like staying in, taking a break to grab dinner with friends when I should just be eating at my desk, or throwing a trip on my credit card and just embracing life.

I know that message isn't particularly groundbreaking or anything, but this taxi driver really flicked a switch for me. He was right! Ever since about 5 years ago, when something big happened in my life, I have changed slowly but surely into someone who lives in the moment, takes chances and tries to soak up as much as I can in this world. Why? Because life is too short (and not to sound morbid) and you never know when it could end. So since then, I've just sort of done what I want when I'm able to. Like use all my savings from birthdays and Christmases and jobs to go study abroad in a castle. Or move to Toronto to pursue a career passion of mine, even though it meant spending 3 months as an unpaid intern, living in less-than-ideal housing.

The same attitude has followed me here as well. Should I really add that trip to Sweden to my credit card? The old me would have said no, and just stayed here restfully. But the "new" me realizes that spending $X00 on a vacation now won't really hurt me in the long run. Let's say I move back to Canada and do the working 9-5, five days a week thing. Not only will I have an income then to pay off these trips, but I also won't be able to just jet off to somewhere in Europe, and even if I did, it would cost me exponentially more money because I'd be so far away.

So I am trying to soak in as much as I can - whether that applies to something as big as a vacation somewhere, or as little as skipping out of the library for an hour to meet a friend for coffee. I also realize this post might make it seem as if I'm fiscally irresponsible, but know I'm not - I'm just embracing this year in terms of "opportunity costs." Seems like that dreaded Econ class is paying off after all.

Moral of the story: listen to your taxi drivers, they're smart folks.

i can't (and won't) keep a stiff upper lip

Well, I had kind of intended to start my blog chronologically, going over some key events that happened when I first immigrated here back in the fall, but this piece of news caught my eye and I just couldn't let it slide through the cracks, as I found it pretty apt.

Recently, the Obamas were in jolly old England for the G-20 Summit. While here, they met up with the Queen and her always-lurking-in-the-background husband, Phillip, for some tea and photo ops.

Of course, one thing that has often bothered me about this little island known as Great Britain is how they hold onto some stupid, arcane traditions. Don't get me wrong, I am all for tradition and I think holding onto some vestiges from our past is very worthwhile - it reminds us of where we came from, it gives us a sense of nostalgia, and it helps direct us towards the future. That being said, there's some things here that really just need to be forgotten in order to embrace some modern civilization.

See, the big guffaw in the news lately is how Michelle Obama "touched" the Queen. For those of you who don't know, that apparently breaks Royal etiquette and has landed some politicians in the past who did it with majorly bad media coverage.

Where am I going with this, exactly? Because I could care less about the Royal Family, to be honest. But what this represents is how a great majority of the British act. I'm not one to generalize, but in this case, I have empirical evidence to back things up, so trust me in that I'm not talking garbage here. It goes to show how cold and reserved the Brits can be and how that whole "stiff upper lip" thing is still strongly entrenched in their minds. This goes far beyond something like hugging too, right down to casual everyday conversation and getting to know people.

It's made my adjustment here particularly difficult at times. Living with two Brits has made me more cognizant of these things, and when I first moved in, they proved a very difficult culture to crack (sometimes, this still holds true, 7 months later). I wasn't expecting hugs and warm welcomes, but it's the little things from back home that I really miss. Like when someone leaves the house and shouts "See ya later" to whoever is still home, instead of just slamming the door and leaving. Or stopping to chat when they see you in the street, instead of walking by. I even miss being hounded by greeters and sales associates when you go to a store, instead of having to struggle desperately for a little bit of customer service.

It's often been hard not to take these personally. Recently, I had a friend from Canada visit and stay with me. This was great because it allowed me to get the perspective of another "outsider" and really dissect the culture here. It's made me realize that it's not something intentionally directed towards me, but something that is just set in their DNA and guides the way they act. While that should be amazingly good news, it isn't - because at the end of the day, it's me against a country. Seriously, whoever thought I'd miss those annoying greeters at The Gap?

But I digress.....

-D.

who, what, where, when & why?

So, here's a proper introduction of what my blog will be about. for those of you who don't know, i'm a twentysomething guy from Canada who's currently in the United Kingdom (Edinburgh, Scotland, to be precise). i'm studying for my Masters degree here and have been since September 2008.

I've decided to create this blog to write about my experiences, most notably about differences in culture, human behaviour and all those fun little things you don't foresee before you decide to pack your life into two suitcases and move 5,000 miles from home. Awesome.

From breaking down stereotypes, to seeing how some are painfully true, my goal is to shed some light on the challenges i have faced and also point out some of the immensely rewarding times i've had the opportunity to experience as well. (NOTE: I'm not sure how marketable and enticing this concept will be, other than to friends from home and my father - Hi dad! - but i'll roll with it until readership gradually declines and I realize you're all just not that into me.)

So, if you're game for listening to some of my realizations, reading some random stories about this, that, and nothing at all, then enjoy. otherwise, in the words of the Brits, "sod off."

Tea and marmalade,

D.

welcome to the planet

good day to whoever has stumbled across my first-ever blog post.

i'm new to this whole blogging thing, but my intent is to write something moderately witty and even less insightful, to fill those gaps in your day when you need to kill some time.

in the meantime, i ask for your patience while i try to figure out how to make this look a bit more exciting and handle my life responsibilities, which currently include writing essays and re-heating soup.

until then, enjoy this bland page and limited content.

yours in waiting,

D.